Day 2 wasn't that pleasant - I gave some feedback that wasn't welcome, and felt scolded, then hurried through the appointment. Didn't see the doctor anywhere. Must remember that what they think of me is none of my business. And that this is good training for first days on my next job.
Maybe they want me to hop on the table as soon as I'm in the treatment room. I still deal with the machine by closing my eyes--it looks so heavy overhead.
The treatment was my decision. This afternoon (it is now day 3) I will repeat my silent war cry as I enter the room, then get settled and relax into it.
To any of you who have invasive cancer or recurring DCIS:
Today, Breast Cancer Action San Francisco e-mailed me a plea for donation: a letter called: Why I Don't Use the Word Survivor. It is from a woman who had heavy treatment for invasive cancer She included a very sobering quote. Can't find the letter on their site, so despite my hesitations, I am going to repeat the Barbara Brenner quote here. In your research, reading about "survival times" and recurrences, you may have secretly had this same thought:
She wrote: "The term survivor suggests to the world—wrongly—that breast cancer is curable. It is true, thank goodness, that many of us will live long enough to die of something else. But no one who has been diagnosed with invasive breast cancer can ever say truthfully that the cancer will not recur."