Sunday, December 10, 2017


When I left the medical bldg after my very, very tardy Prolia shot (talk about being allergic to the world for some weeks) I was handed a fistful of orders for things to do.  And I knew one of them was for a new breast exam - typing this I get a mental blind spot...oh yes, it's called a....mammogram.  I blame the blind spot on my age not on voluntary amnesia'.

Another order was for bone density, but I was only curious about that one.  The annoying part is getting no results until I see my oncologist, who handles my bone stuff these days.

I've read a lot about scanxiety today to see......what?  To see if my pushing mammo thoughts out of my head is normal.  It's normal:

To think of my friend in another state, and how she hasn't told me yet if she really is refusing treatment from now on.

To think of my best friend from my beach days, who died too young of breast cancer that the mammo of those days did not find. Or was it no different from the one I get tomorrow?

And to realize some things I'm doing that I didn't want to do, and sorta did want to - like some drawing.  I can obsess on that and forget that I'm maybe hiding from the mammo.

To make these days more interesting:

We've had bad weather lately, the kind women formerly from CA do not drive in willingly. Like there were still sturdy hailstones on my car the second morning from snow storm two days ago.  But now it's balmy forecasts for this week.

I scheduled Onco Dr.  for Thursday, so if the mammo people tomorrow think they see a problem, I only  need to wait from tomorror to Thursday to talk to him.

I remember I may have been the only person who really, really hated the stereotactic biopsy that revealed the DCIS, the only good thing about it was meeting the ultra-qualified imaging guide for that, who is from CA and super nice.  And going to Starbucks afterward.

But also I remember how much I hated the phone manner of the doctor who said "there was cancer."

I have good thoughts, like: the lumpectomy surgeon is a good guy and I don't even know if he's still practicing,

And my oncologist is kind, friendly, respectful, and....the first day I was filling out paperwork to meet him, a woman next to me said You got the good doctor!  And he is.

ChaChing advises us to accept a result we may not like:  If I don't like tomorrow's findings, I couldn't have a better doctor, better friends, a wonderful daughter here in town.  But Money for miracle drugs ...not so much. 

I've had some really kind , really skilled doctors so far.  And I know some amazingly kind cancer survivors here.

That's a start.

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