TAMOXIFEN - TWO MORE DAYS

Tonight and tomorrow.  Then dispose of the rest of the Tamoxifen.

A certain anxiety around having no scheduled appointment with my onco for a year!  A head nurse in the infusion dept. looked so happy as she said quietly, "You don't have to come back for a year!" She doesn't get to say that often to any patient in there.  I should do a gratitude dance about this.

Took melatonin again last night - afraid to take my old standby gabapentin with it, since I need to wake enough to get up several times a night for the bathroom.  This is complicated.

Have I really made my home and my days ready for life without Tamoxifen?

  The light-proof b.r. window covering is showing its age, leaking light on the Texas pre-7-am sun mornings.  Once I get a safer step stool and a good tack hammer I might be able to do some curtain fixes.  Right now I'm not venturing out to buy tools or anything but food - not until I get a measles shot.

Earlier in the week:
Only spent one night with Melatonin.  Woke even oftener than usual.  Then took Tylenol to sleep.

As I've been digging around on line, I see some sites and big organizations are not as convinced as I am  about the Tulane Study conviction on melatonin with sleeping in the dark..  Some sites refer to "very early" studies, etc.  But several do advise sleeping in darkness. As I will.

Then Friday, I can start watching for signs that the Oncologist was right--that I may "be better without it."

I wish you health.

Remember, do not buy any medicines without consulting your doctor.

LEAVING TAMOXIFEN

Today I will take the first pill of my last month of Tamoxifen.

The doctor was in a serious hurry at my last appointment.  He made nervous gestures and seemed to illustrate that I would be scared without these pills that may have kept me disease free for five years.

And I admit I wondered once or twice if I would feel vulnerable...unprotected.

Then he said something I never expected:  "You may be better."

Yes, I'd had lots of aches and pains at first. But not as many as a friend who was taking aromatase pills.   And I did have such "chemo-brain that I forgot half my physical therapy appointments. 
But I'd had a busy year with lumbar fusion, moving across the country, and so on. 

And I felt like a normal person, and my pains had almost disappeared after he cut my dose in half--from 20 to 10 mg. 

 Will I be wondering every morning when I wake up, how February will be? 
Or will I dare to believe I will feel even better?   We'll see.