LEAVING TAMOXIFEN

Today I will take the first pill of my last month of Tamoxifen.

The doctor was in a serious hurry at my last appointment.  He made nervous gestures and seemed to illustrate that I would be scared without these pills that may have kept me disease free for five years.

And I admit I wondered once or twice if I would feel vulnerable...unprotected.

Then he said something I never expected:  "You may be better."

Yes, I'd had lots of aches and pains at first. But not as many as a friend who was taking aromatase pills.   And I did have such "chemo-brain that I forgot half my physical therapy appointments. 
But I'd had a busy year with lumbar fusion, moving across the country, and so on. 

And I felt like a normal person, and my pains had almost disappeared after he cut my dose in half--from 20 to 10 mg. 

 Will I be wondering every morning when I wake up, how February will be? 
Or will I dare to believe I will feel even better?   We'll see.